Shaken NOT Stirred!

“I would like to have a word with you Mrs. Gracias”, immediately sinks my heart, as the teacher awaits disbursal of rest of the kids. I keep prodding my son for some kind of hint into what the teacher would want to tell me about. 

He stills in my arms hiding his head right under my shoulder trying to avoid to meet my gaze. And very timidly says, he has hurt a fellow classmate in an attempt to defend yet another one! (eyes rolling). I went numb while he sulked and I could only vaguely hear teacher consoling me this is the first time ever he has been physical, while my mind was clouding with the monstrous question “how can MY son hurt someone?”

My eyes welled up, I was pulled back to my rationale by Priti, who was all sympathetic, knowing she had been in the similar place sometime before. 

I ignored my son all through the car travel trying to clear my head and garnering all my self control to resist myself from shouting at him or worst spank him. Then would he know what hurt would feel like! 

But that’s not the path I wanted to tread on and close up all the transparency we hold between us blow up, just- like- that.

Flash Back: Exactly a week before,

I couldn't stop grinning ridiculously, as everyone extended a hand to congratulate on my son’s victory in his sports event. How proud I felt!! I cheered him full-on while he stood receiving his medal with a wonder on his face (or even embarrassment, if he knew what it meant) as to why his mom can’t contend her over-excitement?

Was I happy about myself being an encouraging mom or happy about he winning or just being a part of the race at this tender age?

Was I angry on him today for being nasty or because I felt like a failure or that I detest the idea of him letting me down?

I Don’t Know. 

What was I supposed to feel on both the instances? He is only 3, what was I expecting out of his little self? He is a child and aren't children supposed to explore and fight their own little battles ( I mean it figuratively here, not literally :)) of coping with peers, defying and emote in all ways possible? I guess that’s what he was doing. 

A week back he couldn't gauge why we celebrated on his victory and today he couldn't gauge why was I boiling mad at his behavior. He just couldn't.  He is not supposed to. He is only to learn and grow from both good and bad. And hopefully good sense prevails and he tilts my way :)

A mother can only HOPE ;)