Tuesday, 2 October 2012

A Feeling of Repose...

As the alarm clock goes off, I awake startled, oh! It’s the beginning of yet another day. A faint whisper in my ear reminds me, it’s a Saturday… MY SABBATH DAY. I slump back into the bed knowing my chores with my son will be taken care by his DAD. They both get up after some bed wrestling and I am still lazing around.
The weekends are special, for both father and the child. It’s their time to bond. And that’s the way the fathers can get hands on experience about ‘a day in their child’s life!’
Its time for me to catch up with my friends and decide on how I want to spend my day knowing very well my child is in the safest hands. I decide to call my friend Pratima and meet up over a cup of morning coffee at our favorite café.

10:00 am at Moshe’s
-“Hey! How are you this morning?”
-“Never better, what about u”
- “It’s our good old weekend. A time to unwind J
-“I saw a very interesting movie last night, ‘The prestige’, have you seen that? It’s a must watch.”
-“Oh yes, that one was fabulous. I saw it with V. Ah that reminds me. I need to just call and check if the father-son duo are doing alright at home.”
-“ I have just received message from R. Mine are doing great without me around”

10:30 am still at Moshe’s
-“This evening V and Jr. V will be heading to a park, let me know if yours are interested too?”
-“I think that’s a great idea, I will check with them and let you know”
-“These days Jr. V is loving his dad packing his lunch for school. The way Jr. R likes the night milk coming from dad’s hands.”
-“I sometime wonder how beautiful this relationship is. And it feels good to see them bond at this level.”
- “The kind of efforts coming from the dads to be a part of their growing up and not just watching them growing from a distance is appreciable”
-“That’s how you and I can spend some time together. For mothers it’s the umbilical connection but for fathers they have to endeavor to be an inseparable part of their child’s life ”
-“I agree and strongly feel that these efforts should start from the very conception of the child.”
-“Also for the kids, their dad is their first hero. Its very essential for the fathers to act in a manner they want their child to be.”
-“It reminds me of a very nice saying, ‘instead of spending time on telling your child what he should do, we should attempt to do those things ourselves’”
-“Jr. R keeps telling me, that he would like to grow up and be like his dad”
-“Same for Jr. V. And I believe it will be the best thing to happen, if they grow up like their Dads.. Sensitive, Loving and Responsible.”
-“Dear friend did you realize that as always, we come around talking about our kids.”
-“I think motherhood does this to us, whatever and wherever we are, it’s our kids who rule our minds J

11:00 am Heading Home.
At home, I am greeted with the warmest smile from my son. He cries in excitement, “Mumma! Papa and I had so much fun playing with these blocks when you were not here. Come join us”. And soon we all blend again in our daily routine of laughter, cries, demands, kisses, hugs etc etc.


  1. Totally agree with your comments that Dad's play a very important role in shaping the personality especially in case of male child. They take cues from their dad and try to copy them in day to day life. A good father-child relationship which has a strong foundation during the formative years of a kid is helpful at a later stage when the kid needs guidance/support as a teenager on various matters.

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  3. Lovely post! I hope I am born as a man the next time to enjoy a 'child' without having to go through the physical pain. It shocks me as to how can few men be so unaware and mindless of this 'no pain and all gain' gift that nature bestows upon them by virtue of their child!!

    I get reminded of a funny yet interesting thing on birthday cake...."A birthday cake is life's irony at its best....you don't have enough candles to be blown away when you have all the energy in this world and just too many of them when you are left with almost none!" I am saying this as I find most of the fathers' relationship with their child like the birthday candles and the age phenomenon. Fathers (generally) claim to be so engrossed in their bread winning endeavour that they barely spend time (quality) with their children in their growing up days. I have often observed that a child develops so much distance from a father that after a point his limited role in his child's life exists to command respect and be a fear-figure (mummy's start saying - paapa ko karun tumhari shikayat ;). Once the child grows up and the father is in the sunset years of his life, all the realisations dawn. The man in the father realises that there is more to life than his worldly pursuits. A retired man then seeks for love, company and attention. Unfortunately the children then do not understand what to talk and what not to with their father (they have fewer of such experiences in their life). The father then tries to cajole his children to spend time with him and feels neglected when not attended to. To think of it is not so much of a child's fault than the father's mistake. Nonetheless it may sometimes leave them with strange and bitter feelings. Fathers find children selfish and children start finding their father weird/unreasonable suddenly.

    Things are changing now and it is welcoming to see so many involved fathers off late. However there is lot of ground to cover and I wish fathers and fathers-to-be understand this sooner than later!

    1. Thanks Trupti for putting in ur thoughts. Very well said..

  4. I am glad you women recognise the effort, its anyway the small part we can contribute in.

  5. Well, i see there is a lot of wow factor for this Dad thing... but i dont see how its different from the way things r anyways? Traditionally, fathers have always spent time with their children on weekends/holidays or in specific activities. i learnt carom from my dad, and cycling and i dont how many other things. So wats changed here? Except that because the work now involves a bit more travel and commuting, probably its more focused on weekends.

    So, while the post in itself is good to read, i do not understand the surprise at this happening. Do you guys actually know of such cases in our peer group?

    As for Trupti's comments about the whole cycle of Father and Child, let me tell you as a man - you dont just appreciate your father for being there to cuddle you, but also for sacrificing joy that he could have from that time spent with me, because he had to male sure that there was food on the table and money for my education. Pl dont ignore that.

  6. Dear Poor Soul, the precise purpose of this post is to educate "poor souls" who are unaware of the role of a father apart from being a breadwinner. That's what has changed. And thank you for your views for it doesn't defeat the purpose of our post :)

  7. Ankur, all of us speak out of our experiences and I am glad to know that you don't 'wow' the things mentioned in the post because it tells me the way your father has been with you and what you have always seen it for others' around you. But it may not be right to say that it has always been like that traditionally and for all. I think my father way too busy providing for food and my education and while I apppreciate his efforts for the same, I have some complaints for lack of his time and attention, which I would want my children to not have with my husband. We are all evolving as a race and these discussions are a part of the process! I am sure you will make a wonderful dad if and whenever you choose to be one as I see that you are already 'there'!:)